Anthony Bourdain

I would like to see the pumpkin spice craze drowned in its own blood. Quickly. Juice--I don't understand the juice cleanse. I mean, if you've ever had a colonoscopy, the doctor gives you something that will cleanse you right quick, so I don't really understand juice cleanses. I believe celiac disease is a very serious ailment, and if you're diagnosed with it, I'm pleased that there are now gluten-free options, but these people who are treating gluten as, you know, an equivalent of Al Qaeda are worrying to me. So, I'm uneasy about that.

Also, overuse of the word "artisanal". You know, an artisanal potato chip? What does that mean other than it's an expensive potato chip? Oh, I'm also no big fan of the judgmental barista and beer nerds. I mean, I like a good craft, but don't make me feel bad about my beer choices. You know what kind of beer I like? I like cold beer.

I would like people really to pay more for top-quality Mexican food. I think it's the most undervalued, underappreciated world cuisine with tremendous, tremendous potential. These are in many cases really complex, wonderful sauces; particularly from Oaxaca, for instance, that date back from before Europe. I'm very excited about the possibilities for that cuisine, and I think we should pay more attention to it, learn more about it, and value it more. This is frankly a racist assumption that Mexican food or Indian food should be cheap. That's not right.

I have an unholy and guilty attraction to fast-food macaroni and cheese. During the morning I get these horrendous cravings for Popeye's mac and cheese, and, uh, I will often disguise myself to try to slip into Popeyes. Or in a pinch, I will even go to the Colonel. There, I admit it. And I'm always recognized.

I hate Twitter, because immediately they take a picture of me holding the evidence in my hand. It's like getting caught coming out of a porn shop with a video in your arms. Very embarrassing.

Yeah, I don't know that I translate well on television at all. I don't know, and to be honest, I kinda don't really take myself that seriously, so I don't really care. I mean, anytime you put a lens on somebody, it has a distorting and changing effect. But I never really worry about that. I'm very lucky in that I get paid to really be myself; I don't have a script. I decide where we go and what we do on the show. I've gotten away with being obnoxious on TV for 15 years now. I don't really see any reason to chance.

So yeah, I have no complaints. I'm not afraid to look like an idiot on TV; it happens a lot. We don't have hair or makeup, for instance. It would be interesting to show up on a show with like a Trumpian Cheeto tan. Actually, I should try that.

It was like really weirdly relaxed. He seemed very much at ease, like he was having fun. There were no secret service or staff in the room, just me, my camera people, some customers. Rarely have I seen someone enjoy drinking a beer from the bottle as much as the president. He's really good with chopsticks. Really because of the way he is, how relaxed and comfortable, none of us on the crew were nervous while we were shooting. It was only afterward that we all kind of looked and each other and said, "Did that just happen?" It was really fun! He was generous with his time, quick to answer, and he's funny. He spoke to me and I spoke to him, we're both fathers of girls. The president spent a lot of time in Indonesia as a young man. He's really good with chopsticks, which is always a plus in my mind.

Yes! Where do I begin? Every day in the DRC--the Democratic Not-So-Democratic Republic of the Congo--there were many tense moments. Libya, post-Benghazi, was again, many concerning moments where we sort of had to take regular meetings among the crew and decide for ourselves whether we would make a run for the airport or continue shooting. Beirut, 2006, got a little dodgy.

And immediately after eating Nashville Hot Chicken, that was truly, truly terrifying. And if you're considering going to Nashville, by the way, please notice that Nashvillians themselves don't eat the extra-hot fried chicken. They know better. Unless you've got three or four days to spend in a bathroom, I really advise against that.

Never. I think it's my duty as a guest to always accept when my host is offering a good thing. When people are expressing themselves by what they offer, I feel it's my duty to if necessary take one for the team. It's what I call a "grandma rule"; I may not like grandma's turkey, but I'm in grandma's house, I'm gonna eat it. And I'm gonna smile and say I like it. I think that's just good manners.

If you treat me like an idiot though and serve me crap with utter contempt. I can spiral into a serious depression for days and I will not be nice about it. This means you, Johnny Rockets.

It's a tough question. I used to think Vietnam for a long time but lately... I'm leaning very much toward Italy! I like it there! I like the food. All those carbs are dangerous but Italy's a pretty nice place.

Methadone

Oh the best! I was sucking up to the Archer people for like a year! I was on a podcast, I said I'd work for free, I said I'd bring them coffee on the set, back massages. I'm such an uber fan of that show. I went to Comic Con and I'd stalk them. I have seen them since at the Emmys, they won an Emmy this year. I went up to them, my character was last seen falling out of a helicopter but you don't see him hitting the ground! So maybe he lived because all I want right now is to be back on Archer. It was pretty much the high watermark of my career. After that, everything is meaningless.

The South is where the greatest American traditional food comes from. It's the cradle of American gastronomy. I reject the notion that what Paula was selling is traditional Southern food. Cheeseburger on a Krispie Kreme bun? Nobody's Grandma I ever heard of EVER made that shit.