I am Mr. Trash Wheel, I’m a trash-eatin’ googly eyed sentient machine in Baltimore’s harbor, here for an Earth Day AMA!

Hi Mr Trash Wheel, big fan here. Now that you have your own beer, are you afraid that one day you might be cruelly forced to devour one of your own empty cans? I feel like that would be a sad moment

Also, did you spare this poor human in the kayak, or was he sent to cleanly power Maryland homes like everything else?

MTW: Let me make this clear, anyone buys my beer and does not recycle the cans, I have a message for you.

I did not eat that human. Like sharks, I think human flesh tastes gross.

Mr. Trash Wheel! You are one of my FAVORITE Baltimore celebs!

My question is this: Is a hotdog a sandwich? Why or why not?

Thanks!

MTW: I go with Judge John Hodgman's rulings on all matters. A hotdog is not a sandwich.

Hi Wheelium! I traveled from IL to Baltimore last summer to see you and the city and you and Baltimore did not dissappoint. I would love it if there was a way for IL to get a Trash Wheel in our waterways. Is there any hope of us getting our own Trash Wheel? What would need to be done?

ps. We have plenty of snek and duck here who need a Trash Wheel friend

MTW: Thanks for visiting me. One day I hope my kind will visit all of the duck and snek of the world! You can support my quest for global domination by purchasing this awesome new t-shirt!

I hope that one day you guys will consider doing tote bags...it would be very on-message since they could replace plastic shopping bags.

MTW: Sometimes the nice folks at Healthy Harbor have these available at their events!

I'm okay with it, but honestly I like the "Keepin' It Wheel" shirt a little more. Any way to get my hands on those?

PTW: They aren't sold online anymore, but I understand the humans at Healthy Harbor still bring them to events... you could get a ticket to the Lost Python Ale release party tomorrow and snag one!

Have you noticed a marked difference between how much trash you eat now vs how much you ate when you first started out?

MTW: In 2016 I actually collected less trash than in 2015. I have a few theories why: 1) Baltimore's implementation of a city-wide street sweeping program 2) The distribution of municipal trash cans 3) Changes with weather resulting in less rain (less trash) and more flash flooding (harder to pick up trash) 4) A duck conspiracy to hoard rubbish for a weapon trash destruction

Hi Friend! Our buddies at the Baltimore Harbor Waterkeeper posted a gross video during the storm two weeks ago of sewage runoff in the Jones Falls. Yuck! Thanks for eating all the trash, but what about the microbes?

MTW: I'm as grossed out as you are. I DO NOT WANT TO EAT YOUR POOP! In the immortal words of Andre 3000: I know you'd like to think your s**t don't stink But lean a little bit closer See that roses really smell like poo-poo-oo

In other words: tell Baltimore to fix those pipes!

Your job is to convince a family to vacation in Baltimore, what do you say?

MTW: Baltimore is an absolute fabulous place to go. In fact the New York Times did this great travel guide this week.. There's tons to see and do here. We've got a pirate ship, sculptures that race each other, great art, incredible food, and so much more.

Welcome back Mr. Trash Wheel!

I see you're having a beer released soon, but it's an IPA and I don't really care for those - too bitter/hoppy for my tastes. Any chance you could talk the nice beer folks into making a Professor Trash Wheel Porter? Or a Snek Stout?

MTW: If you see a single of the Lost Python Ale somewhere you should give it a try! It's a Session IPA so it's not as bitter/hoppy as you might think.

Professor Trash Wheel Porter and Snek Stout sound amazing! If this first one is successful maybe Peabody Heights Brewery will want to collaborate with us again!

The Bay was just given a C- health rating, the highest rating in a while. How concerned are you about EPA cuts after it seems like we're finally making progress, and what are some local non-profits that we can donate to to help combat the cuts?

MTW: If you're an experienced paddler you could join the Baltimore Floatilla to show support for continuing to clean up the Harbor! And on a larger scale you could also support the Chesapeake Bay Trust!

For the ball python: What's your favorite sporting equipment and your favorite programming language?

Snek: Sssssssssssssssssssss

Is that Turing-complete?

<:~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever eaten a human by mistake?

MTW: Not by mistake.

Hi Mr Trash Wheel. I love you. Do you love me?

MTW: Uh....listen Starbuck Pirate. We just met and all. I think you are really nice and you are named after my favorite BSG character and my dream job combined into one, but I don't know you well enough to be throwing around the L-O-V-E quite yet. Can we just be trash friends for now?

My friend and I are planning to cosplay as you two at Id10t Festival in CA in June!

What do you think is the quickest way to explain when people are like "what the heck are you?".

Any design tips for our costumes?

MTW: You'll need a python, a couple thousand cigarette butts, and an intense loathing for ducks. Cover yourself in algae and human sewage and you should be set. No one will get close enough to you to ask what you are.

Hi Mr. and Professor Trash Wheel! I live in Baltimore and am a MICA student. Have you thought about teaming up with MICA or Artscape to create Trash Wheel art?

PTW: That sounds like an excellent idea! I would love to see more trash turned into art all over the city!

Hey Mr. Trash Wheel! Thanks for all you do. What's your favorite food so far?

MTW: Ok, technically I should be eating less but I LOVE empty pizza boxes

Got it, throwing them in the harbor from now on

MTW: Nooooo what have I done

Do other trash devices get jealous of your wheel, or gorgeous eyes?

MTW: Considering that I myself get a little jealous when I see my reflection in the water, I can only imagine they're overflowing with envy.

Hi Mr. Trash Wheel! Bill Nye just came out with a new show today on Netflix (Bill Nye Saves the World). I think YOU should be on one of the episodes next season :). Who is your favorite scientist? Will you be Marching for Science (in spirit!) with us tomorrow?

MTW: I cannot move but I will be marching with you in spirit. My favorite scientist is Rick Sanchez.

PTW: sigh Really Wheeliam? You can't choose one real scientist? I'm pretty enamored of the other two honorary chair people of the March for Science: Mona Hanna-Attisha and Lydia Villa-Komaroff. My all time favorite scientist is Sylvia Earle who has done so much for our oceans.

Snek: Sssssssssssssssssss

How does it feel to be internet famous?

MTW: It feels like be wrapped in a warm blanket made out of Doge's fur while being thrown into Nyan Cat's toaster and being shot out as a double rainbow that rains down on Grumpy Cat's parade.

Being a Baltimore icon have you ever consumed another Baltimore icon? Boh cans, Pink flamingos, etc?

MTW: One time I became the Natty Boh guy for a day, maybe I ate so many cans I assumed his power?

Have you tried your beer yet?

MTW: They tried to pour some down my gullet a couple of days ago. I prefer beer cans to beer myself but you humans like weird stuff like bacon and unicorn lattes so I'm sure you'll love it.

I have a feeling you would love the unicorn frappucino because IT IS TRASH LOL

MTW: A unicorn frappucino cup came down the river yesterday. It turned my mouth purple, but had enough sugar to recharge all my batteries.

I have a cat that also eats trash. Just loves the stuff, trash all day, trash in and trash out. Problem is, one day he got diabetes! Diabetes is pretty serious. Are you concerned about getting diabetes, Mr. Trash Wheel?

MTW: Considering my diet is 90% fiber I'm not concerned with diabetes, but I haven't technically moved in three years I might have atrophy at this point.

Hey Mr. Trash Wheel and Snek, have either of you considered sporting a hat? You're both stylistic icons and throwing a ball cap/top hat into the mix would really be somethin' else.

Also, how 'bout dem O's baby?

MTW: Waaaaaaay ahead of you

Ya love to see it. Keep up the good work.

Snek: Ssssssssssss

SNEK: Who's your favorite historical figure from Baltimore?

Snek: Sssssssssssssssssssssss sss ssssssss; sssssssss ssss.

Mr. and Prof. Trash Wheel! Hi! thanks for all you do. My questions are:

1) What humans would you say you look up to the most?

2) I've noticed you've been featured on some pretty fancy-schmancy online sites and blogs. How have you been celebrating your newfound celebrity status? How will you stay humble as your popularity grows?

MTW: Favorite people – Oscar the Grouch, Cookie Monster and Joey Chestnut. One time I ate a can of cham-paggin, does that count as celebrating?

PTW: Favorite people – Bill Nye, Neil Degrasse Tyson, Thelma Estrin, Grace Hopper, Wangari Maathai and Holtzmann. I like to celebrate by doing my job and doing it well.

MTW: I plan to stay humble by keeping my mind in the gutter, putting my wheels on one spoke at a time every morning, and maybe investing in a nice, big pair of shades for my googly eyes so I can go out in public without anyone recognizing me.

Cool shades would be cool but not too dark. I still want to see your googly eyes

MTW: What about these?

If humans got it together and stopped throwing trash your way, what would you eat? Would you change your name?

MTW: I would immediately retire and float down to Jamaica.

Prof. Trash Wheel: are there particular differences to the waterway you clean versus Mr. Trash Wheel that could make your job harder/easier?

PTW: Yes, the waterway I clean is completely piped under about 2 square miles of Baltimore. So, the trash I eat is always small enough to fit down a storm drain. Mr. Trash Wheel's waterway drains about 60 square miles of both urban land and forest. I was designed to be a quick eater, but Mr. Trash Wheel has a stronger tongue for lifting things like logs out of the water (and I like a Trash Wheel with a strong tongue).

Hi Mr. Trash Wheel, another big fan here. I try to raise awareness of your project wherever I go, from Seattle to San Sebastian. People love the shirt, and are genuinely interested if they have the time for me to tell them about you. However, sometimes I just don't have the time to get your story across. What's the quickest/best way to engage potential supporters to your cause?

MTW: I think the easiest and best way to get people engaged is to have them talk to me! I love chatting with people on Twitter!

Thanks for all the support!

How did it feel being all lit up for Light City?

MTW: I was right next to a beer tent during Light City so I'm not sure who was more lit – them or me.

Are there any pictures of you from Light City?

There are a bunch on Instagram

Mr. Trash Wheel, thank you very much for cleaning up our harbor! It looks great so far. My question is, are you aware of your popularity in the vore community?

MTW: No, I did not. There are things I will never be able to scrape from my brain. Thank you?

Are you planning on having children? And if so, where would you like them to live? (We'd love a baby Trash Wheel in Seattle!)

PTW: Trash wheels have a rather strange reproduction cycle so who knows if or when I'll have children. I'd love to trash wheels all over the globe, especially in the Emerald City.

Hey MTW, what's it going to take to get you on a forced breeding program and start spreading some little BTWs around the country? As someone who lives surrounded by the greatest concentration of fresh water on the planet, I would think the Great Lakes could use some of your progeny!

MTW: I don't know how I feel about the whole Handmaid's Tale thing. Maybe in a post-apocalyptic world where there aren't enough people left to solve the litter problem without the help of sentient trash interceptors.

So maybe we could just get some of your DNA blueprints out here, maybe a "How to grow your own MTW" instructions. I had some Sea Monkeys I sent away for once. They were pretty awesome but they just made the bowl they were in messy - so maybe something the opposite of that!

MTW: As long as you don't mix it with frog DNA. We all saw how that ended.

Are you going to write a novel with your choose your own adventure stories?

MTW: I made little eBooks out of each of my adventures but I'd love to write a full scale novel some day. Until then you can read The Great Rubbish Robbery and Adventure is Atlantis.

These are amazing. I need to hear them narrated by Stephen Fry or Morgan Freeman.
If you could get them narrated, who would you ask for?

MTW: Cecil Baldwin, but only if he narrated it as his Nightvale alter ego and if he could get me an audience with the all-mighty glow cloud.

As a wheel with natural googly eyes, do you find Emergency Googly Eyes to be a flattering homage or an offensive mockery?

MTW: This is a sad outcome of a national crisis. I encourage all of my naturally-endowed friends to follow my example and register as a googly-eye donor.

Howdy neighbor. I know you don't like to starve, but how the hell do we get the impoverished neighborhoods in Baltimore to care about littering?

PTW: We all have a responsibility to reduce the amount of waste we generate, regardless of our income. Littering is a universal problem and anyone can make the mistake or putting a recycling bin out without a lid on a windy day or letting the birds and rats get into a trash bag. First we need to increase awareness about the impact that trash is having on our oceans and then we need to work toward longterm behavior change.

is anything being done to supply matching lids to go with the short rectangular recycling bins provided by the city? Or do you know how one could order a bunch to hand out?

PTW: They don't make lids for the small bins BUT tomorrow Saturday April 22 from 9am–1pm the Baltimore Department of Public Works will be selling lids to the 25 gallon bins (and discounted bins!) at Edmondson Westside High school, 501 N. Athol Ave.

How's Professor Trash Wheel doing? How much trash has she munched?

PTW: Since I got here in December I have consumed 8 tons of garbage from the mouth of Harris Creek. I would say that I'm doing as well as can be expected in this situation

Hello Mr. Trash Wheel it's an honor!

What's something that some of your dedicated fans might not know, or appreciate about you, that you think we ought to?

MTW: I would say without a doubt shoutout to all the people at Clearwater Mills who check in on me every day and keep me running behind the scenes!

Hello! Great work you're doing.

Does that weight include the weight of water the trash has taken on, or is it an estimated weight pre waterlogged?

MTW: I stay pretty hydrated, so the weight does include whatever water is present in the trash or debris I pick up!

When the trash goes up in flames, leaving only a bit of temporary smoke, how do you feel? Happy, sad? Hungry for more?

MTW: I contemplate the nature of existence. I ask myself how much trash must a wheel put in his gullet, before you can call him a trash wheel? How many seas must a white duck sail before he becomes evil again? Yes, and how many times must the polystyrene fly before they're forever banned? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. Just like the ashes of the fire, the answer is blowing in the wind.

@MrTrashWheel(MTW): I'm a big fan of your team's work. Have you considered helping the Administration by going nation-wide with MTW to Make America ('s waterways) Great Again? Any anti-terrorism capabilities on the features roadmap for MTW's to come to help sell this idea?

MTW: Global domination is on the to-do list, right after I finish playing through all the games on the NES Classic that came down the river. As for anti-terrorism capabilities, I do a mean rake lift

Is John Kellett as cool as I remember him? I think he's a genius for inventing you!

MTW: He's the coolest!

Are you planning on branching out of Baltimore? There is a lot of trash to eat elsewhere too!

MTW: I will pretty much go anywhere they would have me. Especially if that place was Mars, I would pretty much do anything to go to Mars. I would sell the kidney I don't have to go into space.

There's loads of satellite trash to gobble up.

MTW: Dear NASA, my body is ready

Hey Mr. Trash Wheel, some dude i met at Patterson Park Pond said he caught a carp on the fly near you. Seems like a hell of a feat considering the difficulty of sight fishing at that part of the Jones/Harbor. Do you have any fly recommendations for the fish that hang around your under carriage ?

MTW: The carp are so annoying. They swim too close to and tickle my dumpster barge, so I'm going to recommend a good carp tickler.

Mr. Trash Wheel,

How do you feel about Philadelphia?

It's where my all time hero the Trashman is from so it's pretty wonderful in my book.

Is Snek still with you, or was he ever relocated? Perhaps to the bottom of the harbor? :(

MTW: Snek is alive. Snek is in Philly. Snek is eating milk steak with jelly beans.

Snek: Ssss. Ssss. Sssssssss....

Hey Mr Trash Wheel I was wondering will your tecnology work in getting rid of the "water hyacinth" in a dam enviroment?

MTW: I mean, if it floats into my mouth I'll eat it

I visited you with my kids on April 2nd, as I always do when I'm at the Inner Harbor. We noticed that your belt wasn't moving and your water wheel wasn't turning. It was sunny enough and water was flowing by. What was going on?

MTW: What, a Trash Wheel can't take a little smoke break from gobbling up all those cigarette butts? Sheesh.

No, no. I kid. The truth is that I'm most active and ravenous after a storm or severe weather; not every current gets me spinning.

I got 2!

1. How does this wonderful device pick up garbage that has sunk to the bottom of a body of water?

2. Any plans for expansion?

MTW: 1 – I don't! I am strictly a surface dweller. 2 – The best way to help keep me and Professor Trash Wheel floating is by supporting Healthy Harbor!

Where do you think trash wheels will expand to once the word spreads outside of Baltimore? Rio? The Philippines? India? I know we're very excited about the idea up in Narragansett Bay.

Hawaii seems like it will be the first place to get a new trash wheel. We have interest from around the globe, so who knows there might be one popping up in your hometown too.

Hi Mr. Trash Wheel. Since you are doing a great job cleaning the Baltimore harbor has there been any talk about a Mrs. Trash Wheel. Maybe even if she goes to a neighboring river?

MTW: Professor Trash Wheel is currently at the mouth of Harris Creek and has currently cleaned 8 tons of trash since she arrived in December! Here's a map of where we live!

Hi Mr Trash Wheel! Love what you're doing for our city and I hope to swim in the harbor within the next decade.

My question for you is, how do you feel about the fact that your existence and your predecessors is due to private financing? Do you think that trash wheels should be publicly financed endeavors?

I don't really care how trash wheels are funded as long as they are built. To be honest I don't really understand money. You humans say it is the root all evil, but then say it can buy you happiness. I had five dollars wash up into my mouth cave the other day, and it tasted nasty. I'm not sure I get the appeal.

MTW: I do receive public funding for a portion of my operation and maintenance. I am your stormwater fee hard at work!

How do you feel about animals that are neither ducks nor snakes? Like cats, dogs, and capybaras?

EDIT: Also have you considered selling merch other than a men's t-shirt? I could really go for a tank top or hat, or even a coffee mug so you get less cups!

Cats: I fully support our internet overlords. Dogs: Much like. Amaze. So puppy. Capybaras: They should rule over every golf course. Narwhals: Badasses of the sea. Pumas: Don't exist.

Hi Mr Trash Wheel! Thanks for all the great work you've done.

Is there any specific kind of trash/object that makes your job a lot more difficult?

MTW: Well scary demon babies definitely don't make my job easier.

Honestly, logs and branches are a real pain too. They don't taste as good as trash and tend to get stuck in my teeth.

Would you eat me, like if I really wanted you to?

MTW: Are you sure you wouldn't rather be eaten by someone else? Bey is always watching, you know!

What's the furthest you've gone? I know they brought you over towards the Science Center last year, but have you wandered any further?

MTW: Physically? I streaked through the harbor once

Metaphysically? Atlantis

Now that you have Mr and Mrs Trash Wheel any new baby trashwheels coming? The world needs more of you!

MTW: Slow down there! We're just getting to know each other. She still hasn't even mentioned my Valentine's Day surprise. It's waaaay to early to be talking about baby-making.

Luckily trash wheels don't even need to have sex to procreate. Which is good, because it looks like I might be forever alone.

Follow up question, how does that work

MTW: Very carefully.

What's good Mr. Trash Wheel, Professor Trash Wheel and SNEK?!

First time long time man, love your work! Was introduced to your stuff by your self proclaimed "secretary", not really sure if that's a thing but you know.

1.) If you could have a song written about you and PTW/SNEK what would be the genre and who would write it? Like a pop Carly Rae Jepsen "Call me, Maybe" or classic Journey "Wheel in the Sky" (except its harbor)? Maybe get some Culture and collab with Migos?

Also I live in NYC, can you come help out the East River?

MTW: I think I would have Jonathan Jensen from the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra write it and it would be a folk/jazz fusion thing. The lyrics would go something like:

When the rain would start a-pouring down the Jones Falls waterway, There were tons of trash that would splish and splash all the way to the Chesapeake Bay.

Till a super-smart inventor built a nifty new machine. Now the floating trash disappears in a flash and the water stays clear and clean.

Mr. Trash Wheel, Mr. Trash Wheel, He’s the hero of the harbor.

Every plastic bag and bottle, every Starbucks latte cup, goes a-floating south to a big wide mouth where the trash wheel swallows them up.

He’s collected logs and tires, even snagged an old guitar, but a python snake really takes the cake For the strangest find by far.

Mr. Trash Wheel, Mr. Trash Wheel, Mr. Trash Wheel - He’s the hero of the harbor.

Now they built him a companion, in a slightly smaller size. Looking cute and chic down at Harris Creek with her long-lashed googly eyes.

And together they work wonders for the harbor and the bay, scooping up the yutz and the cigarette butts up to twenty five tons a day.

Mr, Trash Wheel, Mr. Trash Wheel, Mr. Trash Wheel - He’s the hero of the harbor in Baltimore!

That...that was breathtaking

Thanks, I think I'll have Tongue In Cheek perform it at my beer launch tomorrow evening.

Dear Mr. Trash Wheel,

Are you ever moved around to other parts of the harbor to clean trash?

And can you get a pinwheel? I think a huge colorful pinwheel will look good on you.

MTW: I'm not a Roomba, those things are jerks! I stay at the end of the river where there's plenty of current to turn my wheel. I like the idea of a giant pinwheel, though. Perhaps a Mrs. Pinwheel to keep me company on the cold and windy nights.

I heard you may be a big brother soon. Any thoughts on being a big brother? Some life advice for him/her?

MTW: While there's no plans for me to be a big brother anytime soon, I would be pretty adamant about making sure they knew they could grow up to be whatever they wanted to be

Hello Mr Trash Wheel!

Where do you think your new relatives could be best placed? I'm sure that they could do a lot of good around the world.

PTW: While it's true there are a lot of places around the world that could benefit from a Trash Wheel, like Rio, the real issue is how do we inspire change in human behavior? I'm happy to be preventing existing trash from entering the Harbor, but it's the people in Healthy Harbor and Blue Water Baltimore who are focused on projects upstream that are doing the real good work in my (unbiased) opinion)

Hello Mister and Professor Trash Wheel,

What's next on your list for Trash Wheel Domination? I seem to recall some discussion about a project on the Anacostia in D.C. - is this still being talked about?

PTW: We're still looking at DC but they haven't swiped right yet.

Any big plans for Earth Day?

MTW: I'm releasing a beer in honor of my favorite pet.

What is the ONE question you really want to answer, but nobody has asked yet?

MTW: Is vocal fry real?

How has your life changed since being on the Amy Schumer diet?

MTW: Does Amy Schumer eat greasy pizza boxes, plastic bottles full of harbor water, and sludgy chip bags? Is she a trash wheel in disguise?

MTW: If so that would make her the most incredible human being on the planet.