Guy who sometimes gets a haircut here AMA

I believe we've read the same thread about haircuts, haven't we?

twas a grand old thred

Do you get the urge to yell 'AAAAND CUT' after each haircut?

hahaha. this guy

What kind of hair do you grow?

light brown

I'm satisfied with this post.

may i also say... i am satisfied with this comment

me too thanks

Now kiss.

xox

Pics or it didn't happen.

pics in proof. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?

Can you tell us about a time you brushed your hair, and/or joined the military?

brushing is for girls

i should point out that it's 2:30am here in Australia. I just got home from a fucking rad UNWRITTEN LAW concert and i had a few drinks so bear with me. I may accidentally drop the cunt bomb here and there. but not on purpose.

I saw them in 2003 at the Warped tour. Great show.

fucking A man. UNWRITTEN LAW fans are my people

I'm old and not hip to the cool new bands. I'm guessing they are metal or something since they are on the warped tour. I could google them, but fuck it...I'm lazy. What's a good song or two by them?

it was the 15 year anniversary of their album ELVA. i'm sure it's on spotify or whatever. they played the whole fucking album and killed it!!! highly recommend you grab yourself a cold beer, put your feet up, turn up the volume and soak that album in!!! fucking incredible album

Do you generally have an irritating itch after a haircut? If so, how do you alleviate it?

an ocean swim always follows haircuts. am yet to experience after haircut itch... conclusion: ocean swims prevent scalp itch post haircut

Aren't you in Australia? Doesn't an ocean swim=death by many many painful creatures?

nah

do you like the turkey ir ham sandwich?

have you ever tried both? with hot english mustard? its as though the devil himself was cumming down the back of your throat.. fuck it's late

How many hairs do you usually have cut at a time?

one at a time my friend... there's no rush

Are you angry with Beyonce for culturally appropriating your hairstyle?

brb. googling 'culturally appropriating'

What did you find?

a picture of Beyonce with my hairstyle

Would you rather bang Kate Upton with no arms and she's screaming the whole time, or Rebel Wilson but her voice is the same as yours?

Rebel Wilson every time

Are you going to get mad if I ask about something other that Rampart?

please. only questions about rampart

Have you watched Rampart?

If yes, what did you think of it? Write a 600-900 word essay.

um

What do you think is the true meaning of life?

to love. and to be loved

Which hair do you get cut?

i try to be fully inclusive with all my hairs that get cut... some get cut more than others. but at the end of the day, all the hairs walk away from the experience feeling like they have had a good time

your hair walks?

and talks

What made you decide to write children's books?

i wanted to be a children's author as soon as i knew what books were. roald dahl's 'the twits' was my first introduction to books. i fell in love with being imaginative and telling stories and making people chuckle and feel good.

That's amazing. Thank you for sharing. I love children's books, even as I've grown up. I feel like it's challenging to see things from the eyes of a child and anyone that can possesses true skill.

it is very true. RIP roald dahl

Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?

i could never fight a duck looking creature. unless it caused harm to someone i love.

What's your opinion on gay swans?

let them get married in a protestant church

It is still Friday here. Anything happening on Saturday I should know about?

Donald Trump is still prez

This thread got depressing.

fact: cows have best friends. and they will always have best friends. so cheer up :)

I see that you have a fledgling beard growing there. are those hairs that you also plan to cut? or will you allow them to realize their potential?

call me a racist, but those hairs get treated unequally from the others.

Do you feel your ears are lower after each cut?

I DO... NOW

Jagerbombs?

Jagerbombs

Have you ever punched a Kangaroo?

not yet. Gary was brought up with manners

WHICH hair do you get cut?

all the hairs ;)

What kinda vacuum do you use?

a super fancy regular one

Now these haircuts, when you're getting them, what you doing to represent minority fringe groups?

LOL

Do you use spell check, proper grammar and capital letters in your book or will I get cancer again from reading it?

i purposefully ignore punctuation, and as a result, consider myself to be in the same echelon as james joyce :D

Favorite children's book?

The Twits. I know it's mildly funny at best now. But 5 year old me shat my pants with laughter reading it!! :)

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Yeah, I think we need an actual picture of you getting a hair cut. I don't believe you for one second OP.

you'll find from my proof pic that my hair is short enough to not have to brush, yet long enough to look like i am not in the military

What is your favourite kind of pizza?

pepperoni baby! yehw!!!

do you play video games? if so, what are some of your favorites?

i do. so over the years i have dedicated quite a considerable amount of time to games such as ZELDA, SKYRIM, and GOLDENEYE. But no other game could ever match the time I have dedicated to MARIO KART 64. I love that game and anyone else who shares my love for it

How often is sometimes? Once a month?

4-8 times a year depending on how much vitamin D I am getting

Any new books to recommend?

Stephen King has a children's book out soon. Hanging for that one. Wait. it might be out already. anyone know?

Do you prefer boneless or bone-in wings?

boneless wings??? what a time to be alive

I hardly ever get a haircut. Why do you and I wait so damn long to get a haircut? I have my theories.

some say it is fear of the unknown. others say it is something else.

Whats the longest you've gone without getting your hair cut?

when I was a teenager, i had long hair and would only get haircuts once a year at best :( my poor hairs felt so neglected

Be honest, do you ever have a quick tug underneath the smock when your barber / stylist is especially hot?

are you kidding me. with those shampoo head massages?? who hasnt?

What size clipper?

7 inch ;)

Shampoo after? Or just brush off any excess clippings?

ocean swim my friend. i tend not to use shampoo that often

Do they swear a lot in the hairdressers you go to?

you bet your cunt licking dick they do

make it so that I don't have to brush it. But also. That I don't look like I'm in the military. Please and thank you

Why don you want so you don't have to brush it?

It doesn't take more than a few seconds for me.

And in your pic, you really need to comb it.

brushing takes away precious seconds that i could be eating a sandwich or punching a kangaroo

Do you like white cows with black spots or brown cows with white spots?

i love all cows. especially eating them. (soz 1/3 of the earths population)

Why is the only option on the website "add ALL books to cart"?

there are other options... keep cruisin

Alright cunt?

dad?

Do you prefer ham or turkey sandwiches?

fuck.... if there was a gun to my head. and i really had to choose... fuckn.... shit... i don't know man... HAM! NO! TURKEY! no fuckit. shoot me