IamA mediocre comedian Jim Norton AMA!

I am sitting here like an ass, by myself, with no idea how to make this go live.

Jimmy!!!

Why do Kevin and Sam hate each other? HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON!!!...

Chuck from North Carolina, you're on the phone!...

I don't know to be honest, I suspect they want to suck each other's penises

Jim, what's your favourite cheese?

My act

Is your relationship with Louis C.K. basically like the one you two have on the show Louie?

Yes, Louis and I have been friends for about 15 years and we interact very much the way we do on screen. He's a creep

How long did it take to get diagnosed with adorable huggable boy syndrome?

9 out of 10 doctors surveyed melted when they saw me

Hi Jim, how do I get rid of your antivirus software? It's really bogging down my computer.

Thanks in advance!

I hate when people confuse us. And my last name isn't even MacAfee! LOL LOL LOL PLEASE RT

Favourite species of worm: silk or earth?

Trouser

Happy Birthday Jimmy!

Do you ever get hard looking at Opie's juicy titties?

The question is, do I ever not? Mix that in with Sam's birthing hips and it's a real cum fest in there

Hey Jimmy, do you ever read any of the posts in the Opie & Anthony subreddit?

Sometimes, but the overwhelming positive response to my act and radio performance gets embarrassing. I would prefer some honest critiquing instead of the blind praise i get there.

We're not allowed to honestly critique though because most of us aren't using our real names. Right, Jim?

You can do what you want, beecostume

Jim, what is your go-to or favorite joke/one-liner that is also super easy to remember and deliver?

I pull my pants pockets out and tell people to 'kiss the rabbit between the ears'. Guaranteed laugh getter

Hey Jimmy, big fan of you all. Do you feel there is any validity to the term "Gregshells"? If you had to , would you bet that O&A will reunite or those times are over?

The validity to the term Greggshells was that he was seen as the boss, and his mood was more dominant. Op and I have had a very big argument once since July. It was resolved only because he picked up the phone and called me to talk it out. He is not perfect, but there have been quite a few times he's picked up the phone to clear the air when he felt there might be tension. I am only speaking about with me, I don't know how often he texted or called Ant ( i mean over the years) or how many times Ant reached out to him

was the argument about you tweeting about going to dinner after the Colin thing when and he didn't show up the next day because he didn't go?

No not at all, that was something we talked about the next day and he told Sam and I that he didn't intend that to be directed towards us (or Ant) at all

ME: we have great chemistry, right Jim?

Sir, you and I have never met. Oh literal Jim

If you could bring back one dead comedian to tour the country with doing stand up before they go back under, who would it be?

Colin Quinn

Do you think the advantages of being an owl outweigh the disadvantages?

tsss WHO????

When Ant got fired, is there anything you wish you had done differently?

No, because what happened to him was beyond my control. I was in constant contact with him and put Hannity in touch with him (at Sean's request) to try and talk to him because he was having a rather horrid couple of days. Anyone who thinks I haven't been loyal to Anthony has no idea what the nature of our relationship is.

Happy birthday Jimmy. Can you give more details about your animation project?

working on a Chip animation that is actually going to happen. I don't know where it will wind up though. Probably in my living room with just me watching

Sir, your reaction to the retirement of radio luminary, Fez Whatley?

I love Fez and I wanted to give him a proper goodbye. I am glad he retired and wasn't forced out.

why do you think that so many fans of opie and anthony think that opie absolutely stinks and is not funny?

Opie has always brought out a lot of anger in people, something he acknowledges almost happily. People have the right to not think he's funny, or that I stink, or whatever. The HATE people direct at him I think has a lot to do with things he has said or done that just made them angry. It's really is ridiculous at this point the amount of venom directed at him. You can dislike him, but no matter what he does, he is wrong in certain people's eyes

What was it like when you won the award for being the boy with a smile that most resembled a rainbow?

^{Love you Yimmy}

That contest was sponsored by Fruit Striped gum and I was a shoe in, since mother was on the voting committee

What do you think is the funniest moment in the history of the Opie & Anthony show?

When Erock eventually dies

Since you guys are having a lot of the same comedians in, why not Big Jay Oakerson anymore?

I don't know why it hasn't worked out with Big Jay, there is no animosity. He thinks I don't like him which isn't true. I never felt like he cared too much about me or had a desire to be friends. I never thought he wanted me dead, always thought he was fairly indifferent.

How do you determine what criticisms of your act have merit and what ones are unfounded? Is that answer different when the criticisms come from your own head?

I am very self critical, so if people say things I've been thinking, I definitely consider that strongly. Also, audience response.

Is chip gay?

tss no you FUCKKIN PEESA GHABIGE. I never kissed a buncha peckas once

What's the most offensive joke you've ever told to a live audience?

probably my impression of blowing a baby. I did it when I first started to less than stellar results

Hey Jim, I just want to say you are responsible for some of the best laughs I've ever had.

That said, my question is, what was your favorite thing that you learned from a guest on your talk show?

when Ozzy recognized I'd lost weight

Hey Jimmy,

What guest have you had in the past year who you would have most liked for Anthony to be there for the interview?

FUUUCK. Arnold yesterday. So much. Only because i know Ant would have loved it. The ENTIRE Cosby scandal as well.

Jimmy, big fan. Saw you in Harrisburg a couple times. Hope to see you next time you're back.

If Ant gets the studio going in the city this summer, do you see yourself being there regularly? It's so unfortunate the gang can't get back together yet, but it sounds like things are getting better between the guys, so would it be safe to say Opie is cool with it?

Thanks in advance, I'll hang up and listen.

Yes, I would be on Ant's show much more often if he were in NY. I wanted to do this AMA from his house but I had press right before and after.

I love Chip so much. Do you ever think as Chip when you are alone?

ALWAYS

Do you wish you could do an AMA without having to field questions that are based mostly around our shitty fan-fiction perception of you, Opie, and Anthony?

I don't mind answering any of them, I don't find the questions shocking or uncomfortable. Are my answers posting?

Why doesn't Regular Joe have a Twitter account?

eh, no time for that fancy shmancy tweetin. what am i a bird? you tweet, i'll get down to the job site and do an honest days work

What was God thinking when he made you so adorable?

He was thinking, this boy's DEVILISHLY handsome (shinkel bout it)

Hey Jimmy, huge fan. Just wondering if the break up of the show has had any effect on your friendship with Anthony or if you guys talk or see each other as much as you did? Also, why don't you do Uncle Paul as much as you used to? Love ya Jimmy

Ant and I text four or five days a week, sometimes just briefly. It has not affected our friendship. At all.

Hey Jimmy. Huge fan. What are your thoughts on the hate Opie gets over on r/opieandanthony?

I understand a lot of the anger the fans have. They feel like something they love has been ruined. He gets a very over the top amount of anger directed at him, some of which is totally ridiculous. But to people who hate the show now and don't listen, I have no problem with. You're allowed to think we stink.

Lady Di wants to come in the studio and show her cunt. She spoke to Sam on the pre show about it. My question is how long would it take you to cum in that situation?

I'd blow my load as soon as they said, 'she's on her way up'

Can you tell us about your most memorable Patrice experience, interaction, etc?

us in Brasil laughing at our friend Evan trying to speak Portuguese.

Whose the most famous lady you ever stuck your pecka in?

Vanity. Not the one Prince dated

Happy birthday, Jimmy.

Do you ever reflect on the glory days of O&A in comparison to where it is today? If so, what are your thoughts on where it was to where it ended up?

Follow-up question - Do you think the b-b-b-b-b-boys would forgive and carry-on should Stern disappear, and Sirius pulls their head outta their ass?

No matter what era we were in, people always told us we stunk and used to be better. Glory days are only such in hindsight. But I miss Anthony being there and of course it's hurt the show. You cannot lose someone that brilliantly funny and not have a huge vacuum.

Have you ever mistaken Opie for a tranny hooker due to the fact he has large breasts and whores himself out to SXM and has this caused any friction in your relationship?

Is this a real question or are you being sarcastic?

If Nazi's had your parents, and you had to make love to Opie or Anthony... Who would you pick

My parents are Nazis, so neither

If you had to quit doing stand-up/comedy, what would be your plan b?

To join reddit and rejoice with the rest of them

Jim. Everytime Opie yells "HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON" When you and say Bawby are in the middle of a funny story I want to punch my fucking radio. Do you want to punch him when he does that?

I don't want to punch him, no. But i do want you to punch your radio. Not break it, just knock it over and have to pick it up

Jim,

Do you miss having fun at work?

I do have fun at work. I love to perform. Do I miss Anthony? Every day.

Previously we've heard Opie and Anthony fighting.

Everyone has their ups & downs in a relationship.

Could you see them becoming friends again in the future?

Knowing them as you do, perhaps you're the key to reuniting them.

Anyway, hope the special goes well.

Sam loves these <-

Yes and I'm not being Oscar the Optimist. They both needed to blow off a lot of steam, things built up and I could see it coming. As could they. I definitely think they can work together on one level or another.

Do you believe Opie when he says things like "I haven't seen the episode of Ant's show I'm about to cry over"?

I don't know if he saw that one or not. He cried when he was remembering their friendship. But i didn't have reason not to believe him, Sam and i saw it and said that, not sure why he wouldn't want people to know.

What's your favourite joke or analogy that you've been told and thought "Hey, I might steal that?"

Anson Williams when he told us he went out with Gerald Ford's daughter. I figured I'd make it mine and add some ass eating to spice it up

How do I tell a girl that I want her to peg me or urinate on me?

This is a serious question to, I really want to know how.

Just tell her you're Jim Norton, she'll understand

If Anthony picks up a second host, who do you feel would best fit that role (opie not an option)?

Agatha from Twitter

the little cunt text was intended to be sent to you, correct?

If I felt it was I would say it at this point, sir, I really would. I would have been surprised if I picked up my phone and saw that. And when the argument started, not for one second did I think it was meant for me. It's amazing how hard people don't want to believe that

Hi Jim, gun to your head and you have to blow either Gene Simmons or Ozzy Osbourne who do you choose and why?

I would blow Ozzy and jerk Gene off under the table

Hey Jim,

What's your opinion on Sarah Silverman and the blatant lie she told in that wage-gap video?

I haven't seen the video, but read Al's response. A guest spot definitely wouldn't pay what a regular spot pays, so if thats' really all that happened, i think Al is right

What was the greatest, hilariously horrible thing you ever witnessed Patrice say/do to someone?

When him and Eddie Ifft had their argument at the Comedy Cellar

Who do you think is the best living comic right now (can't pick yourself)?

Colin would have to be my favorite

jim - why do you think lucky louie failed where louie succeeded?

Failed because HBO cares about critics, we were actually highly rated.

Yimmy. Can we please be honest that Opie is completely over sensitive and cannot handle any criticism (we get it, we're all "haters) so why can you two rip people every morning but he can't take it?

I don't think you're all haters. I know people will think I'm just defending Opie blindly, but honestly he does care about what fans think. A lot. He is not indifferent to it. Even back at WNEW, Ant and i would ask why he gave a shit about the instant feedback. He's not good at hiding his emotions, so when people see it angers him at times, they use that. The same part of him that gets pissed off is the same part that enabled him to pull of things like Steve the Whistler while Ant and I were trying to hang ourselves in the corner.

Hey Jim, what's the most embarassing thing you did while performing?

Turned the microphone on

Hey Jim, Love ya Love the show.

Question regarding events surrounding the Vice show (I'm not asking adversarially, just as a fan of two great dude's works):

What was with the Gavin McInnes thing a few months back? Did the two of you ever have a chat? Seems like he's a big fan of your work.

Moreover, was there any merit to his claims that in the waning days of O&A as we knew it, he was kept off the show because you didn't want to tangle up your (excellent and far too short-lived) show with VICE?

We actually did talk, on the phone, for an hour. I met Gavin in person (briefly yesterday) for the first time and we said hello and shook hands. I like Gavin. I don't have to agree with someone to respect the fact he speaks his mind without fear.

Any advice for a actually mediocre/beginner stand up comedian who has been doing it for a little be longer than a year?

Yes, expect to be me in 25

Jim, I heard you were terrible in bed. Is that true?

Ask your MUTHHHHAAAAA. awwwwww shit

Do you have any pets? Understanding you travel frequently, have you considered a pet rock?

I have pet warts which I keep in my anus

Hi Jim, big fan. How do I get a girl to toss my salad? And does it make me gay for liking it so much?

Sit on her face and tell her she has to eat her way out like a rat in a cage with a heated bottom. And no, it doesn't make you gay. Unless you do it to a man.

Why do you think you are such a pervert?

I'm really not, and I explain that to every neighbor I intrude (INTRODUCE) myself to by law.

Are you going to be on this new season of Louie?

I have a scene i LOVED. yes

What's been you worst post ejaculation feeling of "what the fuck am I doing with my life?"

duck walking to the bathroom with my pants around my ankles and a burning sensation in my eye

What's your most embarrassing moment?

It's changing from question to question

Ayy little jimmy. A while back I heard a story on the OandA show about you being a kid and some other bigger kid making you suck his pee pee. Did you ever go back to that place (devil something? I think it was called)? You should go with kenny

Devil's Creek, and I've never gone back

Jimmy! What's your goto alcoholic beverages for winding down?

I love gin. But I don't drink it, I just funnel it into my asshole

What would you define as the best era of your radio adventures? Secondly what's your favourite late night snack😘?

The first few years of xm probably. My favorite late night snack is marmalade

Have you received any hatred, shitty comments or otherwise "backlash" about Bailey Jay hosting your Vice Show?

None at all. People gave the typical, 'he thinks it's edgy because she's a tranny' idiocy, but no real backlash.

I'm on time for an AMA I care about!

I just want to gush for a hot second- Lil Yimmy! I've been a fan for several years and first heard of you on OandA. I still listen to you on the OandJ show. I think you're high-larious. The characters who live in your body (shout out to Chippah!) are ridiculous and I appreciate the quickness and sometimes downright lame-ity of you.

Now, about me: I'm a fat pussy lipped woman who appreciates a little sweat stink on a man. I'm 30, so too old for you, but I do enjoy hearing funny stories of certain lady friends who may or may not have man parts from you.

My question: what's your favorite musical?

You're not too old for me you goose! And my favorite musical is Dear Zachary (I hum while watching it)

now that he retired, what do you have to say about Fez Whatley as a radio performer?

Very funny when he is in a good place mentally

Do you really regard Canada as a 'garbage country' and a 'country of cowards'?

Of course not

Why do you think the political left gets all the grief for being too p.c.? Isn't the right just as p.c. with religion, the troops, America, etc.?

both suck. left is worst because i feel let down by them

Hey Jim, Pepsi or Coke? Does the Pepsi can joke have any influence on your favorite? Ps. Mediocre my ass. Give yourself some credit for being awesome!

Coke, Pepsi blows

When Anthony gets a studio in the city, do you think you might do his show daily? Is there anything in your Sirius contract that would prevent you from doing so?

My contract doesn't prevent me from appearing on any show. I would do Ant's show all the time if he were in the city

I did answer this, why isn't my answer showing up?

When Gregg claimed that Anthony tried to prevent you from being apart of the show, Anthony denied it.

Did he do that to try and put a wedge between you two? What exactly would be the motive to lie about something like that?

I don't think he said Ant tried to prevent me, he said Ant wasn't for it. I really don't know which is true, it's something Im fine with either way. If this came up a year into my time with them, I'd freak out. But almost 15 years in? It's not important to me

Do you like Opies new fake radio voice?

Okie sounds exactly the same to me. Perhaps older, more mature. Even sultry

Who's your current favorite porn star? I know you like tattooed gals such as Bonnie Rotten and Christy Mack. Another I suggest is Anna Bell Peaks, look her up.

I love Eva Long as well

What is your favorite stunt or bit you were apart of durn the Opie and Anthony show?

The stunt where I fucked a girl in what would eventually become Ron and Fez's office at xm

Hey Jim, huge fan. I know this question isn't related to you exactly but I know you'd have some first hand knowledge. Is there some bad blood between Burr and Louie? Between they're age, hometown, crew and style it seems very off they've never collaborated on any form or ever even mention eachothers name.

I don't know of any bad blood whatsoever, other than the fact that if 2 creepy Boston redheads are in the same room they'll explode

Do you think the Opie show has improved since Anthony is no longer with you? I believe it has on the simple fact that you get more air time. After hearing you on JRE a couple years ago it made me tune in.

I addressed this earlier, but of course not. We are doing the best we can, but you can never say that a show improves when a comic genius is removed