I’m Judy Postmus, social worker, researcher, author, and Dean at the University of Maryland School of Social Work. Ask me anything about economic or financial abuse in relationships!

Do you have suggestions for a woman w/children who plans to leave an emotionally and financially abusive relationship but has few financial resources bc she was prevented from working? Is there any help out there?

Yes! The first stop would be to get connected to your local domestic violence organization. They often provide residential and non-residential support for those wanting to leave. They also provide a wide array of services including individual and group counseling, support for finding employment and housing, and support for children.

To find a place near you, call, text, or go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can provide you with the closest program.

In a relationship where one partner is an irresponsible spender and the other isn't - what are some approaches to establishing a equitable approach to a household budget that doesn't cross the boundary towards being too controlling?

Talk with each other! Come to an agreement about the budget and then track individual expenses and review with each other. Pay attention to your own values (and your partner's values) around money and what should it be used for in the relationship. Use expense tracking apps (not on each other!) to help know where the money is going. We usually don't pay attention to where the money goes unless we are tracking the expenses.

Welcome everyone to this AMA. I look forward to answering your questions about financial abuse and empowerment. This is my first AMA so I'm a little nervous. But I'm sure you'll ask great questions and we'll all learn from each other.

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First of all, I'm sorry your loved one is experiencing this "gaslighting" by a friend who is taking advantage of their finances. And yes, manipulating someone to exploit their money is financial abuse even if they aren't intimate partners. So yes, it would be easier to cut financial ties but the emotional ties may be the part that binds your friend in this relationship.

Talk about abuse with your friend and how it isn't just among intimate partners and it isn't just physical or sexual violence. In my research with survivors, many could talk about the more recognizable abuse experiences and were surprised that financial abuse was yet another way they were being abused and controlled. Reach out to your local domestic violence organization to help guide you and your friend to learn more. Good luck.

What do you think about the Brooke Shields documentary where she shared her story about financial abuse from her mother? How do you deal with financial abuse when it’s a relative?

Financial abuse is all about taking control over someone's finances and exploiting them to maintain power over them. This usually happens in relationships, more likely in intimate partner relationships. But it can also happen from parent to child (in the case of Brooke Shields) and the reverse (adult child to parent). Regardless of who is doing the abuse, the victim could seek help from domestic violence organizations in their community to learn more about resources available to get help.

What are some examples of men being finacially or economically abused? This does happen right?

Thanks for asking this question. What we know about financial abuse includes men making all the financial decisions, hiding assets, disrupting work. They can call employers and get the person fired, they can open up businesses in their name without the woman knowing about it, they can hide assets, and they can destroy her property. The question is would these experiences happen to men? Unfortunately we don't have answers yet. And we don't know if those experiences are the same if the abuser is female or male. More research is needed; I hope someone out there will take this on to find these answers.

Thank you for doing this AmA! I have three somewhat related questions for you.

First, does economic abuse often coincide with other forms of abuse in a relationship?

Second, what motives do the abusers have? Are they different from case to case or is there a common ground?

And last, are there any statistical predictors that people will become economic abusers?

Glad you are here! Yes, economic abuse is often used as part of a variety of tactics including physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Our research has found that while economic abuse is strongly related, it is still a distinct type of abuse from those other forms.

Motives for abusers (or why do they abuse?) is a really good question and one that we don't have simple answers to know. Such motives could come from their strongly held beliefs about the roles of men and women in relationships or from their learned experiences as a child in a family experiencing domestic violence. I've written about the various frameworks and theories to understand why someone abuses another in my book as part of Chapter 1 to provide more detail information.

To answer your final question... no.

Thank you for doing this AMA!

What can individuals do to support laws or policies against financial abuse?

Thanks for asking this question! First, we need to bring greater awareness to this topic in the general public and with our policy makers. Next, we need to look to other countries (like the UK and Australia) who have made significant changes to their laws to address economic abuse; we can learn from their experiences of how they changed their laws and how well they are working now. Check out the organization - Surviving Economic Abuse - in London (https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/). They've done a great job bringing greater awareness to economic abuse.

Finally, we need to help our policy makers draft laws that would address financial abuse. Some states (Pennsylvania & Maine) are already trying to change their domestic violence laws. We could also partner with them.

Do you think that a person who was financially abusive in the past can change? Or is it better to cut your losses with a financial abuser?

Good question. We know that financial abuse is part of a pattern of power and control where other types of abuse (ie. physical, sexual, emotional) are used to trap victims in relationships. We know that batterer intervention programs have mixed results as to whether an abuser can change or not. Unfortunately, we don't have evidence about programs directed to abusers who use economic abuse. More work is needed to develop stronger interventions that help abusers and to test whether those interventions work.

But for now, the hard decision about leaving a relationship is one that the person has to make in light of so many other factors that influence that decision to leave. One proven intervention for survivors is to create a safety plan - including a financial safety plan - that will guide them to know when is the best time to leave and how to do so in a safe manner.

I recently published a book - Building Financial Empowerment for Survivors of Domestic Violence: A Path to Hope and Freedom - which provides greater information for someone struggling with the decision to leave a relationship where there is financial abuse. Included in the book are ideas of how to create a financial safety plan like checking credit scores, opening up private bank accounts, ensuring that paychecks are going into those accounts, and finding supportive individuals to help you manage your money.

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Unfortunately, there's not much you can do if your MIL doesn't want help. If she is older and you believe she is being mistreated, you can contact Adult Protective Services in your area. Google "adult protective services" and then add in your state. You should be directed to the state agency responsible. Good luck!

Hi there! Not financially social work-related, but more related to trying to navigate the academic job market when your research area of interest is controversial in the schools that are hiring. I study trans rights and mental health and I think it has hindered me from getting some positions. Any advice on how to navigate the academic social work spaces in higher academia that are not willing to support trans research? Thanks!

It's always tough when your research area is deemed "controversial" by others. My advice would be to find states and universities/colleges within those states that would support such important work. For example, here in Maryland at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, we recently had an event that talked about trans-visibility among social workers. Good luck with your search. There are places out there that will support you and your research.

What are some examples of economic abuse in a relationship?

The key thing to remember about economic abuse is that it is part of a group of tactics used by someone in a relationship to control their partner. There are 3 types of economic abuse including economic control, economic exploitation, and employment sabotage.

One way to know if there is abuse is to understand these types of economic abuse as well as being aware of how financial decisions are made in the relationship. Sometimes, one person in the relationship may be "in charge" of managing the finances in the relationship and paying bills. In a healthy financial relationship, even if one person is managing the money, financial decisions (especially big decisions like buying appliances, cars, vacations, etc.) are decided together.

Thank you for holding this forum. How can institutions help to empower employees who are experiencing financial abuse by their intimate partners?

Thanks for asking this question. Institutions "should" have protocols in place to support survivors of all kinds of abuse including financial abuse. Mostly, these protocols should support the person's own plans on ways to be safe - physically, mentally, and financially.

If someone has a partner that is trying to sabotage their employment standing (e.g., making them late for work, showing up unannounced and being disruptive), the person should have the support of the institution to put into place protocols that keep this person safe from being fired. Perhaps the protocol would include not allowing the partner to enter the building? Perhaps it's helping them with direct deposits to safe accounts? Perhaps it's just being sensitive and knowledgeable about financial abuse and the tactics used to sabotage employment so that we believe and support the employee who is experiencing such abuse.

Most importantly, the institution has to have policies that encourage and keep the survivor safe when they reach out for help from HR or their supervisor or someone in authority.

Institutions can also provide financial education services through workshops or trainings that focus on "typical" financial management content (ie., budgeting, saving money, retirement) but also adds a layer of content on economic abuse and the signs. The Allstate Foundation has a great curriculum that does just that and it's available online for free at https://allstate-foundation.everfi-next.net/welcome/financialeducation

Thanks so much for hosting this important discussion!

What policy responses at the local or state level would you recommend

1. that can help limit the possibility of financial abuse?
2. to help respond to financial abuse when it is a problem?

Thanks for being here! Policy changes at the state (or federal) level would be the best place to start since domestic violence policies reside at those two levels. There is the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) at the federal level which was just re-authorized. For the first time, since it was first enacted in 1994, they used the term "economic abuse" but they didn't put any money into services to respond nor did they make any changes to the criminal side of violence.

But it's a start. The same needs to happen at the state level where they should look at their existing domestic violence laws and include economic abuse (along with the signs) as against the law. They also need to invest in interventions - like financial education programs or asset-building programs - to support survivors of economic abuse.

What's the average salary of a social worker that graduates from UofM? Does the salary return enough money to pay back the cost of the social work degree? What's the total cost of a masters in social work from UofM and expected salaries?

Are there studies on the relationships between debt and depression or debt and drug abuse?

While these questions aren't focused on economic abuse, they are still good questions. In a survey we did last spring with our graduates, the average starting salary was $65k. We need to continually challenge our profession to increase those salaries.

Hello, and thanks for this AMA.

What is the current legality of financial/economic abuse in the US, and are there legal reforms that are particularly needed in this area?

Unfortunately, in this country (US), it is not illegal to economically abuse your partner - only physical and sexual abuse are recognized as against the law. Some laws exist for financial exploitation of the elderly but even those cases are difficult to investigate and prosecute. And those cases often focus on either an adult child exploiting a parent or a caregiver exploiting an elderly person; they don't focus on intimate partners who are married and seen as "one" in the eyes of the law related to finances.

There are a few states (shout out to Maine and Pennsylvania) who are looking to change some of their laws. But we need to do more. Other countries, like the UK, have made progress to expanding the legal definition of domestic violence to include "coercive control" which takes in all types of abusive tactics. But here, if your married partner opens up a business in your name and goes bankrupt, he destroys your credit and you are responsible for the debt.

Thanks for doing this AMA. I have two questions both relating to my work 1) what advice would you give female partners of male problem gamblers in terms of protecting themselves? How can these women know (ie what signs to be aware of) when their situation has crossed over into financial abuse? 2) What does female economic abuse of men typically look like? Thanks!

There are 3 types of economic abuse which include financial control (e.g. keeping control of all of the funds), employment sabotage (e.g., keeping you from working or getting you in trouble at your work), and financial exploitation which fits your question (e.g., messes up your credit, spends money on other areas such as gambling). Keep in mind that the focus is on someone trying to maintain power and control over someone else - in this case, using money.

The best way to protect oneself from a partner who has a problem with gambling is to check credit scores on a regular basis to catch when credit accounts have been opened - in this case, to finance gambling. And, of course, to work with a financial advisor (can get support from your bank) on how to protect your accounts from your partner. This might include opening up your own account and ensuring he doesn't have access.

Finally, I would recommend that you help him get support for his gambling addiction.

To answer your second question, it is a really great question and one that we don't have research on. Economic abuse is a relatively new area of abuse that is being studied by researchers even though the tactic and use by abusers has been around a long time. We still need to learn the prevalence and type of economic abuse of men and how that is the same or different than that of women.